From a Young Adult Who’s Been There: How You Can Help Your Child Heal
This post is written from the perspective of a young person who participated in CHYP.
A few nights ago, I took myself through each journal page I was given when I arrived at residential treatment in Fall 2023. By getting there, I had left behind a life of doctors, pain, isolation, and insanity for the first time since age fourteen.
Treatment worked; I worked it. People ask me why it worked, and while the full answer is complex, I simply say: I learned self-compassion.
I learned to treat myself lovingly. I originally did so, because it was logical—a way to create safety in the nervous system to regulate and reduce my symptoms. I felt like I deserved that safety. It worked.
Over a year and a half since treatment, my practice has grown deeper. My life today is one of connections, relationships, opportunities, and joy. I am a highly sensitive twenty-two-year-old with a full life.
In my bedridden teenage days, a single switch of plans brought me to my knees. What allows me to live this way now? Loving myself. When I am kind to myself, I am kind to my body, mind, and world. When I give myself grace, I am gracious to my parents. When I see the good in people, I see the good in myself. This is how I live now—lovingly.
As the parent of a child in pain, the only thing you can control is how you show up in each moment. Feel like that day didn’t go well? Demonstrate how you can forgive yourself and your child—burnt out? Demonstrate self-care in a way that supports you and your child.
When I am judgmental of my parents (or anything/anyone) the reality is that I am ten times more judgmental toward myself. A youth in pain requires safety to heal. This is something the parent can work on. It’s asking your child: What would help you feel safe right now? Then, it’s the loving response.
It’s still logical for me to love myself. The difference now is that I feel that I deserve it.
Love and safety. I deserve to love life and live joyfully.
