Parenting Without Certainty
As another school year comes to a close, many of us find ourselves reflecting on how quickly time passes. We may be wondering if we have done enough for our children, or, on the flip side, if we are ‘overparenting.’
And when you have a child with a medical or mental health diagnosis, the doubt can be stronger. Am I helping enough? Am I doing too much? In many ways these are two sides of the same coin, both rooted in uncertainty.
Perhaps, like me, you may find uncertainty to be a difficult place to be. We want solid ground to stand on. We want to know that we’re going in the right direction and everything is going to be OK.
And then, as anxiety likes to do, the worry can snowball into guilt or shame. Why do I worry so much about my kids? If only I knew a little more, I’d be better at this.
Perhaps in these moments we can treat ourselves with some compassion. After all, trying to get parenting right may not only be rooted in fear. It also comes from caring about our children.
Reading blogs and books, going to therapy, working on our relationships—these are all important components in helping our children grow and hopefully thrive.
But just as summer is a time for our kids to take a break from school, we can also pause to acknowledge our accomplishments, no matter how small. Whether personal, professional, or family-related, taking stock of our efforts helps us to see more clearly and to have the stamina to keep going. Remaining stalwart for our children and not giving up—even in the midst of difficult diagnoses, stress, and strain—those are the markers of true character and dedication.
If I have learned anything in these last few months from my family’s multiple trips to the orthopedist’s office, it’s that you cannot avoid uncertainty in life. There are no perfect ways to protect our kids, to give them the freedom they want and deserve, and to be a good parent. There is only a wellspring of love and care from which we all attempt to find our way.
And, if we take some time—even a moment—to consider the roots of our efforts and recognize ourselves, perhaps we can lean into uncertainty with more gentleness toward ourselves.
