Words Mean A Lot When Someone’s in Pain
“If you can’t say anything nice…”
It may sound cheesy, but it is true: the words we use with each other can make a real difference. When speaking with a person who is in pain or who is worrying about their health, language has an impact. I’m referring to “hot button words,” or what is technically called “negative affective priming.” And people use them all the time, and with the best of intentions.
It seems like a considerate and respectful thing to acknowledge a child’s fear and to offer reassurance by saying something like, “It will only hurt for a moment.” But the human brain, in the interest of avoiding injury, pays a LOT of attention to any indication that pain might be coming. Our antennae go up, so to speak, when we hear words like “hurt” or “pain.” And in this situation, a negative times a negative does not make a positive. “Won’t hurt” doesn’t prevent the process. Instead, it makes the antennae go up just as much as “hurt.”
The effects of using a “hot button word” was studied by a group of researchers who published their results in 2012. Their study was done with German speakers, so the words are not exactly the same, but they studied the severity of pain experienced by normal adults during routine blood draws. One group heard the equivalent of “Sting” at the time of the needle insertion, while the other group heard the equivalent of “Beware.”
When they analyzed the results, the “Beware” group had a 40% lower pain score than the “Sting” group. That’s a pretty nice return from the investment of a single word!
Another group of researchers did a study that looked at the effects of language, but measured physical changes rather than pain scores. For instance, in the situation of patients recovering from a procedure, they compared the effects of saying, “Let us know when you feel pain. Do you feel nauseous?” to the statement, “Let us know if there is anything to make you feel better. We can always do something for you. Do you feel okay?” They found that the research subjects had a significantly larger (more negative) physiologic reaction to the first statement/question than to the second one.
This kind of change of words or phrasing may take some effort at first, but it will become more natural with practice. You might start with substitutions like these:
- In place of, “Are you still having pain?” ask, “Are you feeling any better?”
- In place of, “It will only hurt for a second,” say, “It will be over before you know it.”
- In place of, “Don’t worry, the doctor won’t hurt you,” say, “I wonder if the doctor’s hands will be too warm, too cold, or just right?”
Those small changes in which words we use—and what we draw attention to—can make a big difference in a child’s medical experience or illness. At the same time, choosing the right word is a tool available to every parent and family member, not just to medical staff.
Try them! It won’t hurt! Um, I mean, “Try them! It might help!”
